I just realized why I can’t allow myself to kiss a girl. It isn’t because of her bits or her long hair or her makeup. It’s because she’s a different species. I don’t know what’s going through her head. I can’t read her. I can’t figure out what she wants when her brown eyes pass over me. I want to kiss her but when do I lean in? I know a man’s body. It’s a replica of mine. Hers is foreign territory. Where do I begin to touch? What if I don’t touch the right stuff? I know what he likes. What if everything I do to her is wrong? I hope she doesn’t laugh.
I’ve kissed a girl’s mouth before. She actually asked if she could kiss me. It was tiny. So petite; so small. Her minuscule tongue felt like a tiny snail looking for love. I touched her body and she had layers of undergarments underneath her cheap dress. It was weird. Men only have one layer. It turned me off.
She also seemed to want me to lead. I’m not much of a leader. If I’m going to lead, I’ll do it myself, by myself. She wouldn’t understand the soft chewy center of me. She wouldn’t understand the “gay” qualities about me. But I don’t want to love her forever. I’d like just another kiss, in today’s time, to see what it’s like to kiss a girl.